Prayer and Following God's Word

I recently came across a term called "rejection sensitivity". This spoke to me, as ever since I was little, I have easily gotten upset when things didn’t go my way. With my confidence low, if someone else hurt me, I would hold a grudge unless things were clearly reconciled later. 

To this day, I remain that sinner who has had difficulty putting forgiveness into practice.  Most of the time I can't even recall the reason why I felt offended, but there is something inside me that makes it hard to actively put myself back "out there" and say "let bygones be bygones". And after I make a mistake, I’m supposed to put myself back out there? It's so much easier to just shy away and hide in a corner for as long as I need to. How I struggle with carrying out what is truly asked of me by God!

Currently, I love to read Scripture. I sincerely ask for prayers and God's help in being able not only to hear God's word, but live out Jesus' teachings in my daily life. Especially now that I am a parent I know I need to model virtues instead of being a hypocrite. However, putting the teachings into action is so difficult! I've read that St. Augustine believed that true prayer should lead to action and by deciding to take specific measurable actions, we commit to living out our faith in Christ. 

I am still working on identifying a clear resolution for how to better live out the Sermon on the Mount, but one idea that just occurred to me is to focus on one virtue, like gratitude. Perhaps I could set a goal for myself of saying "thank you" to seven different people every day. Or maybe  I should set an even lower bar for myself to start out! 

Lord, create a new spirit in me, a new life where I let go of grudges and bitterness. Let my excess sensitivity be replaced by full confidence in Your love above all else. Help me to be faithful to my loved ones, knowing that nothing can break the immortal bond that God Himself has established. Help me to seek forgiveness from the family, friends, and strangers I have wronged. Amen.

By Alexis Dallara-Marsh