“Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners. Of these I am the foremost. But for that reason I was mercifully treated, so that in me, as the foremost, Christ Jesus might display all his patience as an example for those who would come to believe in him for everlasting life” (1 Tim. 1:15–16). St. Paul was a murderer of Christians. But was he really “the foremost” of sinners? What could he have done to deserve that title?
Paul is likely using hyperbole here, but it isn’t without meaning. Maybe he wasn’t, technically speaking, the worst of sinners. But he ruthlessly betrayed Christ, and knew well what his life, and afterlife, could have been like had he not been knocked to the ground and blinded by Jesus. St. Paul was able to look at sinners and say what many saints have said: “There, but for the grace of God, go I.” Although he may not have been the greatest of sinners, St. Paul knew the evil that dwells in the human heart.
This evil is something that we all struggle with, at the very least in concupiscence, the inclination to sin resulting from the sin of our first parents. Concupiscence is not in itself a sin, but it is a bitter struggle: “For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want. . . . When I want to do right, evil is at hand. For I take delight in the law of God, in my inner self, but I see in my members another principle at war with the law of my mind, taking me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members” (Rom. 7:19, 21–23).
Paul, familiar with concupiscence, has experienced the desire to do terrible things, and the actual commission of those things, despite a truly noble aspiration to do the good. He knows in his core that had it not been for Jesus Christ’s direct intervention, he would not have been able to be the holy man that he was. For this reason, he gives thanks “to the king of ages, incorruptible, invisible, the only God, honor and glory forever and ever” (1 Tim. 1:17).
When we face the depths to which we can sink as Paul did, we begin to see that we are not all that different from even the most notorious of sinners. It is the grace of God and our cooperation with it that divide us. Without the Lord, we are “like a person who built a house on the ground without a foundation. . . . It collapsed at once and was completely destroyed” (Luke 6:49). But with God’s grace, we are like the good tree that bears good fruit, and the house on a firm foundation. Calling to mind this completely undeserved gift, we have reason to echo the praise of St. Paul and the praise of the psalmist: “Blessed be the name of the Lord. . . . Who is like the Lord, our God, and looks upon the heavens and the earth below? He raises up the lowly from the dust; from the dunghill he lifts up the poor” (Ps. 113:2, 5–7).
“Cristo Jesús vino a este mundo a salvar a los pecadores, de los cuales yo soy el primero. Pero Cristo Jesús me perdonó, para que fuera yo el primero en quien él manifestara toda su generosidad y sirviera yo de ejemplo a los que habrían de creer en él, para obtener la vida eterna.” (1 Tm 1,15–16). San Pablo fue un asesino de cristianos. Pero, ¿era realmente “el primero” de los pecadores? ¿Qué pudo haber hecho para merecer ese título?
Es probable que Pablo esté usando una hipérbole aquí, pero no sin sentido. Tal vez no era, técnicamente hablando, el peor de los pecadores. Pero él traicionó a Cristo sin piedad, y sabía muy bien cómo podría haber sido su vida, y la vida después de la muerte, si Jesús no lo hubiera derribado y cegado. San Pablo pudo mirar a los pecadores y decir lo que muchos santos han dicho: “Por la gracias de Dios, allí voy”. Aunque puede que no haya sido el mayor de los pecadores, San Pablo conocía el mal que habita en el corazón humano.
Este mal es algo con lo que todos luchamos, al menos en la concupiscencia, la inclinación al pecado resultante del pecado de nuestros primeros padres. La concupiscencia no es en sí un pecado, pero es una lucha amarga: “Porque no hago el bien que quiero, sino el mal que no quiero. . . . Cuando quiero hacer el bien, el mal está a la mano. Porque me deleito en la ley de Dios en mi interior, pero veo en mis miembros otro principio que está en guerra con la ley de mi mente, llevándome cautivo a la ley del pecado que mora en mis miembros” (Rom 7, 19, 21–23).
Pablo, familiarizado con la concupiscencia, ha experimentado el deseo de hacer cosas terribles, y la comisión real de esas cosas, a pesar de una aspiración verdaderamente noble de hacer el bien. Él sabe en su interior que si no hubiera sido por la intervención directa de Jesucristo, no habría podido ser el hombre santo que fue. Por eso da gracias “al rey eterno, inmortal, invisible, único Dios, honor y gloria por los siglos de los siglos” (1 Tm 1, 17).
Cuando enfrentamos las profundidades a las que podemos hundirnos como lo hizo Pablo, comenzamos a ver que no somos tan diferentes incluso de los pecadores más notorios. Es la gracia de Dios y nuestra cooperación con ella lo que nos divide. Sin el Señor, nos parecemos “a un hombre que construyó su casa a flor de tierra, sin cimientos. Chocó el río contra ella e inmediatamente la derribó y quedó completamente destruida”. (Lucas 6,49). Pero con la gracia de Dios, somos como el buen árbol que da buenos frutos, y la casa sobre cimientos firmes. Recordando este don completamente inmerecido, tenemos razón para hacernos eco de la alabanza de San Pablo y la alabanza del salmista: “Bendito sea el Señor ahora y para siempre. . . . ¿Quién iguala al Dios nuestro, que tiene en las alturas su morada, y sin embargo de esto, bajar se digna su mirada para ver tierra y cielo? El levanta del polvo al desvalido y saca al indigente del estiércol,” (Sal. 113, 2, 5–7).
David Dashiell is a freelance author and editor in Nashville, Tennessee. He has a master’s degree in theology from Franciscan University, and is the editor of the anthology Ever Ancient, Ever New: Why Younger Generations Are Embracing Traditional Catholicism.
Feature Image Credit: loren, cathopic.com/photo/1398-nothing-is-possible-without-the-sun
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